The Three Pillars

"When in doubt, tell the truth."
~ Mark Twain

OK, I will assume that since you are here, reading this website, that you DO want this – an epic love, an extraordinary relationship, a vehicle for transformation, magic, evolution, discovery, co-creation, learning, fun and joy.

Trust, Intimacy and Communication are The Three Pillars – or keystones – that when strong, offer sound structure to any relationship and allow it to grow into a glorious thing.


Here's what the good old dictionary has to say on the matter:

1 firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone
or something: relations have to be built on trust | they have been
able to win the trust of the others.

I used to notice in an argument or discussion, that one moment I was talking to my ally, and then suddenly it was as though I was talking to my opponent. I felt like we had suddenly gone to opposite teams, and I wondered where the partner I loved had gone.

Trust is getting on, and staying on, the same team.

For trust to flourish, you've got to have your partner's back, they must be able to rely on the validity of your word, and your actions must match your words. And same for your partner.


It is a type of closeness in which you can reveal all of yourself and still be accepted. It is a space in which your fears and weaknesses are welcomed alongside successes and brilliances, a space in which you experience being fully seen and accepted. Probably, you desire intimacy above most things. And even so, you are likely afraid of it, often avoid it, or maybe even sabotage it.

The root of loneliness is the burden of feeling that you could not possibly share all of yourself with another. It is your self-doubt, that you are too much, too gross, too imperfect, too undeserving of love to admit to another.

It is your hiding and pretending that creates a space of dishonesty, which inhibits intimacy. When you can stop always having to look good, when we can tell it like it is, a space opens up for you to be all of yourself. And that is magic, fertile ground. That is intimacy.


Communication, when used in service to the health of your relationship, is a different animal than conversation. It is more than two or more people talking and exchanging information. Communication is a shared experience of deep listening and of self-expression. As human beings we have a deep need both to express ourselves, and to be listened to.

This is a big one, an area you have likely found yourself snarled up in many times, and I will go more into depth shortly, in the section, Communication: 5 Vital Points.

In case you didn't notice, all of the three pillars mentioned above are different displays of honesty. Honesty is the umbrella under which the pillars rest. Without honesty – and its manifestations as trust, intimacy and communication – you don't have a relationship, you have a lie. If you cant be honest, if you cannot tell the truth, you have a relationship that doesn't exist.

Go on to Listening and Acknowledgment
Back to Relationship With Others

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