Bare With Me

Welcome to Re-Defining Monogamy's Blog

Join LiYana's intrepid traipsing through the peaks and crannies of Sex, Relationship & Intimacy for the 21st Century

Saturday, October 11th, 2008

The Experiment

The Experiment

I have to admit to you something I'm kind of sheepish to admit. In fact just yesterday, a girlfriend of mine and I were walking downtown on the streets of the Upper West Side in Manhattan, and she said to me in her respectful (not) way, "I can't believe you're not over that yet."

Thanks, girlfriend.

I was speaking about an experiment I've been doing: taking on full-cloth doing and committing to and putting energy into only those things that I truly love. If it is full of juice and excitement for me, I go for it. If it doesn't, I pass. For example, I know the path to a successful, passive-income rich website that gives great content and products to the world, complete with internet marketing, search-engine optimization, affiliate programs, list-building, etc. I know HOW to do it, I just would rather gnaw off my own leg than do it. I'm not interested, really, although there's part of me that's sure I should be.

This is hard for me because coded deep in the instinctual layers of my cells is the assertion that I need to work hard to get the things I want. I used to live day in and out like this, auditioning in across Europe and in New York City as a dancer, working three jobs and all that. I worked hard, really, really hard. I got some of the things I was working so hard to get, but there's always room to work harder – at least in the nooks and crannies of my mind. I'm sheepish because I'm still "not over" the nagging concern that for things to work out, I've got to do things I hate and work really hard at all of it.

Now, things have really changed. Over the last 10 years, I did enough personal growth on this topic to kill a small horse. And I'm pretty great, remanants, though there may be. I essentially created for myself the 4-Hour Workweek, LiYana style. I'm a "Relationship Whisperer." Relationships tend to flourish around me, much to my delight. I've got a blessed, amazing life, a relationship that is a living, breathing work of art, I don't worry about money, I have extraordinary friends and colleagues that serve the world in amazing life-affirming ways and kick my butt when I need it. I've got a healthy body and mind, I have freedom and I am deeply well person. I don't mind working hard, in fact the racehorse in me loves it and if I don't get out for a run around the track now and again I get antsy. And if I took a long look at it, most of the amazing things I've created did come out of hard work – but only after some letting go, getting out of my way, following my instinct.

It's much better to let go, get out of my own way, follow my instinct – and align with what truly lights me up and turns me on FIRST, and then do some hard work based on that. Hard work for hard work's sake is for the birds. (Sorry, birds).

But every now and again I forget. I think I need a will, and will only. I think I need to take the hard path, the path through the dark, scary windy wood. Like I need to build more character or something. So I am experimenting to see if I can forget less and less.

I think it's my rock-hard will that speaks says nice (not!) things like, "Everything in your life you've ever gotten you've gotten by working harder, longer and with more pain than anyone else. It was me, your iron will that got you anything you ever wanted. You want to stop using me now? Are you crazy? You'll forget all about these things you love, the creative fire in you will go out, and then it will be too late and you'll be too lazy, broken or stupid to ever recover or bounce back! Don't even think about surrendering to the flow and ebb of creativity, to align yourself to the magic and serendipity that really rules the universe. A time to reap, a time to sow? I time to rest, a time to work? Bah! It's only time to work. Anything else is time wasted! Are you crazy? Don't let go!"

As it goes on and on it gets screetchier and more anxious. Sounds a lot like the fear of forgetting.

So, how's the experiment going?

Amazing, my friends, amazing. I got a call the other day from a guy who heard about me from a guy I worked with and asked me to be a featured guest and panelist on his talk show, The Stuart Davis Show (stay tuned for details); I got an email from a publisher in New York who found my website (found my website? How does anyone actually find my website if it's not search-engine optimized????) and asked, "Ever thought about writing a book?" The proposal goes out next week. I got flown out to New York to speak at a conference on Polyamory and be a part of a summit meeting/think tank to help envision the future for conscious, loving, responsible relationships, including non-monogamous ones. I'll be interviewed along with Susan Crain Bakos on a live Cable TV show in three weeks. A friend of mine said, "Hey, I know a guy who knows a guy…. want to write an audio series product with me?" If the products are a go (with that guy who knows a guy), we'll make a shipload of money.

However, internet marketing is a good thing, even though I don't want to do it. I was having dinner with a girlfriend who LOVES it and can't quite understand that I am missing the gene that loves to spend 80 hours a week on the stuff. I told her, "I can't strategize or envision a killer marketing plan like you can in your sleep, but what I am good at is manifesting one-in-a-million things: things that don't exist, shouldn't exist, are so rare and ridiculous, except for one time in one million."

And today I think I found that one-in-a-million guy who's an expert at all the nasty business I mentioned above (internet marketing, search engine optimization, affiliate programs, list-building – pthhhhooooey). The experiment continues; aligning with what I deeply love and care about continues to bear extraordinary fruit, even though, as my girlfriend says, "I'm not over that yet."

Share this page with your friends!
Posted by LiYana at 3:02 pm

One Response to “The Experiment”




  1. Samantha

    Congrats on the publisher e-mail! I'd LOVE to get one of those as I am writing a book! Just found your site through Jenny Block. Looks like I have lots of reading ahead of me. 😉

    Best,
    Samantha
    Author of Not Your Mothers Playground
    http://notyourmothersplayground.com

Twitter Updates