A Note About Jealousy

I hate to sound like a broken record here, but jealousy, like upset or conflict, will keep arising in you, over and over again, until you look it square in the face and truly get what it is trying to tell you.

Said differently, jealousy is a strangely wrapped gift, with something important for you inside, and you will keep getting the gift, maybe with slightly different wrapping, until you open it and get out the important thing.

Pluck the gem that is contained in the jealousy, or keep experiencing jealousy, like a hamster on a wheel.

If you've already forgotten how upsets or conflicts can be great gifts, consider revisiting On Upset, Anger and Conflict. If you want a refresher on getting OFF the hamster wheel – shifting a pattern, go to Shifting Any Pattern: 3 Simple Steps.

Jealousy comes in many forms. You might feel that someone has something – like looks, or a partner or a job – that you covet or wish was yours. Or you might react to someone's action and feel lied to, cheated, like the rules got broken, or that something is going on behind your back.

Jealousy, unchecked, brings with it doubt, insecurity, anxiety, possessiveness, stinginess, suspicion, etc. Any way it comes, you feel like you are losing, that someone is taking something from you, or that they have something you want or need. Not that fun.

Once you figure out the gift inside the jealousy, then comes a chance to create better ground rules. Things like anger, upset, conflict and jealousy always help you co-create tailor-made ground rules with your self as well as your partner. Jealousy can help you better understand and define what kind of ground-rules you need to feel trust, to feel solid, to feel like your partner has your back. Or to be those things for yourself.

Extraordinary relationships are no place for lying or cheating. If you are cheating, you are lying, If you are lying, you have a relationship that might as well not exist. You cannot be trusted with someone's heart or confidence if you are lying or cheating. End of story.

You can take responsibility for your jealousy, glean what it has to offer you, and build the ground rules you need for a strong foundation of trust in your relationship.

One good rule of thumb is that if you are repeatedly experiencing jealousy, you have not understood the gift it has for you, and you and your partner do not yet have a strong set of ground rules to keep both of your hearts safe and secure.

If you are creating a traditional or non-traditional monogamous relationship, you need strong ground rules co-created by you and your partner, as well as strong trust, which I call "emotional monogamy." Jealousy is free to arise, but it is seen as a teacher.

This is the tip of the iceberg of Jealousy, to be sure. It deserves to be well understood so that it does not stand in the way of your trust, intimacy or joy in any of your relationships. To get more into jealousy and hear an example of one of the amazing concepts my partner and I have developed as a result of jealousy, read about my concept of the "Energetic Container" in On Beyond Monogamy in the "Secret Subjects" section.

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