Bare With Me: ReDefining Monogamy's Quarterly Newsletter

Winter 2008

Adoration, and Other Causes for Celebration

Hi

Welcome to 2008!

What does LiYana say to men who are neither “macho jerks” nor “new age wimps?”
What’s better than getting what you want?
What is a “love dog?”

Read on for the answers to these questions, and tips to make this year bring you
fullness, richness and ripeness!

Enjoy, LiYana


Whet Your Appetite: stimulating, saucy morsels

"Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like
wrapping a present and not giving it."

– William Arthur Ward

Love Dogs

One night a man was crying, Allah! Allah!
His lips grew sweet with the praising, until a cynic said, “So! I have heard you calling out, but have you ever gotten any response?”

The man had no answer to that. He quit praying and fell into a confused sleep. He dreamed he saw Khidr, the guide of the souls, in a thick, green foliage.

“Why did you stop praising?”
“Because I never heard anything back.”
“This longing you express is the return message.”

The grief you cry out from draws you toward union.

Your pure sadness that wants help is the secret cup.
Listen to the moan of the dog for its master. That whining is the connection.

There are love dogs no one knows the names of.
Give your life to be one of them.

– Rumi


Grasp the Naked Truth: your questions answered

What does LiYana have to say to men who are neither
“macho jerks” nor “new age wimps?”

Join Falling Fruit’s podcast “The New Man” with Trip Lanier, Casey Capshaw and yours truly, LiYana Silver, “Looking to redefine your relationship with monogamy?”

“Every man has had wandering thoughts or wandering eyes at some point during his committed relationship. Most likely it happens every day! Should we be avoiding these thoughts—repressing them so we don't hurt our partners?

Absolutely not, according to LiYana Silver, it's part of what makes you a man. So why do our special ladies seem to get so pissed off about it? It likely has to do with our ability to stay connected to them. If we can develop strong, healthy constant connection to our partners, there is no limit to our freedom. We might even go so far as to take our relationship outside of the normal rules of monogamous commitment if that's what we want to do, according to LiYana.

Listen as LiYana lets us in on the secret "Kryptonite" that melts the resistance and defensiveness of any woman in relationship to establish true, deep connection. This connection is liberating for men in relationship, as we will feel the reigns loosen through trust.”

Click here to check out Falling Fruit’s website and to listen.


Widen Your Vision: cutting edge perspectives

What are “love dogs” and how can we learn to be more like them?
Introduced by LiYana Silver and fleshed out by Jeannie Zandi, enjoy:

Adoration and Other Causes for Celebration
by LiYana Silver

I have an acquaintance who, in his spare time, calculates the vibrational levels of things – places in the world (like Guam), plants (like bamboo), beings (like dogs), as well as individual people. He calculates each’s vibration in relation to the vibration of love. I am not sure how Guam or bamboo fares, but I remember dogs got a nearly perfect vibrational score; meaning dogs, those wiggly, enthusiastic, resilient, faithful creatures, are pretty much pure love.

I’ve been noticing lately all the ways I hold back and manage my emotions and expression of feeling – although who doesn’t to some extent? I notice it in banal situations like holding back from crying in a TV commercial to more profound moments of fear of vulnerable connection with my lover. Regardless, I cheat myself out of the experience of adoration, of sadness, of desire. And the funny thing is that the experience is infinitely more beautiful, pure, amazing and full than the GETTING of whatever I might be adoring, feeling desiring. It seems like an oxymoron, but the fulfillment is in the willingness to be swept away, the willingness to bear the intensity and emotion of the moment.

As a human species, in my opinion, we’re a bit too stuck on causality: if I want something, I’d better get it; if I adore you, I’d better get you; if I am grateful for something, I should be considered a good person.” But what if we are grateful even when our life circumstances are not behaving according to our plan? What if we enjoy our desires, regardless of whether we got them? What would it be like if we experienced experience for the pure experience of it, not for the outcome?

Simply Notice, Acknowledge, Adore, be unabashedly Grateful. Your ability to experience these fully is a great cause for celebration.

Sweep Out The Chamber of Your Heart
by Jeannie Zandi, from the Sun Monthly

W had been teaching for decades, in fourth grade there was twenty-something Miss Walker at the chalkboard. Miss Walker in short skirts that showed her beautiful legs, Miss Walker with her electric-curler-created brown curls bouncing as she walked briskly down the hall. I would sign her name as if it was mine: Miss Nancy J. Walker. It was the first year I got straight As, and that was out of my deep adoration which demanded expression — I wanted to give something to she who seemed to lack nothing.

According to the dictionary, to adore is to “worship as God or a god” from the Latin adorare, which means “to pray to.” It is a deep, often rapturous regard that pours from the heart without concern for social custom or convention and, in its pure form, looks for nothing for itself but to love and pay homage to the beloved.

For the 13th-century mystic and poet Rumi, the adoration of his beloved teacher Shams of Tabriz led him into the wilderness of his heart, taking him through the depths of its dark pockets of longing and pain, and ultimately opening into the wide vista of his love for God and for all that is. The human heart, hung heavy with disappointments and sorrows, complete with sealed-off passages and hidden lonely caverns, longs to be known, to express itself fully in this world. It desires to bring the love that we are, beneath our accumulated pain and confusion, to this earthly plane through our eyes and our hands. For some, the yearning to live as love is so acute that there is no other choice but to travel this seemingly dangerous road of Rumi.

To read the rest of the article, click here.


Get The Skinny: what not to miss

Upcoming events with LiYana

Free Monthly Tele-Classes

A great (and free!) way to get fun, practical and cutting-edge information and to get a sense of what Re-Defining Monogamy is all about.

"Your Tele-Class was wonderful and my sense is many needs were met as a result of your work. Your clarity of purpose and holistic approach are deeply satisfying and I applaud you. Thank you for all you contribute to this universe we share."



February 2008

Poly What?
Coloring Outside the Lines of Monogamy

Tuesday, February 26, 2008
8:30 – 9:30pm (Eastern time)
5:30 – 6:30 (Pacific time)

Want a better understanding of what polyamory is and how it all works? Get a sense of how some have structured their relationship outside the lines of monogamy; get a sense of what makes non-monogamy work – and not work; and ask your questions to a panel of coaches and sex educators, Birgitte Philippides and Marcia Baczynski, experts in the field of creative non-monogamy!

Yes, the Tele-Class is free, but you’ll need to register to make sure you’ve got a space.

To learn more and register for any Tele-Class, click here.

The Yoga of Relationship and Intimacy
Your Practical Guide to Desire, Connection and Fulfillment

Montezuma, Costa Rica
February 7 – 12, 2008

“LiYana has the ingenious ability to transform esoteric
principles into concrete, simple, everyday tools."

In this interactive, intensive workshop you will…

  • Learn how your are wired
  • Discover how to shift any pattern
  • Craft the foundation for your model relationship
  • Get clear, concrete tools for communication, intimacy and connection
  • Learn the skills of being deeply radiant, attractive and sexy and more…

In addition to the workshop you will stay in a bungalow in a mango grove overlooking the ocean and enjoy fresh organic meals, optional daily yoga, body work and a special outing into beautiful Costa Rica!

“You are a miracle and a catalyst.
Thank you for being a fire-starter.”

For more information and to register, click here.


Step Up: simple ways to make a move

Excerpted from OneTaste/Man, December 2007

Most guys don’t know how to pay attention to a woman. They either talk about themselves or use flattery such as, "You’re so beautiful" to try and win her over. But if you want to get in with her, don’t flatter her. See her.

You can start by noticing the details of her face. The color of her eyes. The freckles on her cheeks. The mole to the right of her chin. The wrinkles around her eyes. Tell her what you see. Most women are dying to find a man who cares enough to notice them. It could be you.

Optional: Write to me and let me know what you notice!
Submit it to: Newsletter ( at ) ReDefiningMonogamy ( dot ) com


Pass It On: tell a friend

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I mean, who couldn't use some cutting edge thought, tools and information on these most important, vital, juiciest areas of our lives: relationship, love, sex and intimacy?

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