Bare With Me: ReDefining Monogamy's Quarterly Newsletter

October 2007

Wait, Don’t Wait


I don’t have to tell you that love and sex are our highest cultural commodities.
Somehow in the search for becoming sexy and attractive, we’ve lost our way in a big way.

This month is all about reclaiming sexy; it’s all about waiting… and NOT waiting.

Read, reflect and enjoy,


PS: If you can’t wait to learn more about Bringing Sexy Back, join my upcoming free Tele-Class on Tuesday, October 16th. For more information and to register, click here.

Whet Your Appetite: stimulating, saucy morsels

“Love is no big thing, it’s every little thing.”

– Doctor Victor Baranco

“The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the green earth in the present moment, to appreciate the peace and beauty that are available now. There is no enlightenment outside of daily life.”

– Thich Nhat Hanh

Grasp the Naked Truth: burning questions answered

The question is, where has sexy gone? How can you get it back?

Enjoy this article, all about NOT waiting…

Bringing Sexy Back
by LiYana Silver

“The only loving there is, is the loving you do.”

– Dr. Victor Baranco

The other night as I was sitting with a friend, waiting to get into a hot tub spa, she was telling me about her Master thesis, an extensive research project into what makes a woman most sexy and attractive. She boiled sexiness and attractiveness down to two things: a woman who is both “right” with herself and sensually alive and satisfied.

When I was 18, there were only 93 pounds on my 5’5" frame, and I thought at least I was on my way to looking good. Although it had been 2 years since I had a regular menstrual cycle, I spent my days thinking I was unattractive and still too fat, dreamt at night of the food I wouldn’t eat in waking life and was on my way into a deep depression, I remember thinking with pride, “I am what everyone wants to be: thin.”

Over the next 7 years, I clawed my own way out of that eating disorder and body dysmorphia, but I’m an unusual case. It’s beyond epidemic, it’s pandemic: women and girls hate themselves, deeply. We mistrust our bodies and desires and strive control them any way we can. Something like more than 50% of American women would rather lose a limb than be overweight; I’ve heard it said that the average American women spends 80% of her time thinking and worrying about her appearance. Weight loss is a multi-billion dollar industry in the world’s richest, most well-fed country. Eating disorders begin as early as age 8 and 9. The newest rise in cosmetic surgery is labiaplasty – alteration of the vaginal lips – some say to look more like porn stars. Women run, like hampsters on wheels, after any method to become what we think will have us become sexy and attractive, no matter the cost to our bodies, health or spirit.

The reason women (and men, too) want so desperately to be sexy is to grasp the commodity our culture holds highest: love.

Funny, glorious, misunderstood thing, this love.

For the rest of the article,click here.

For more information about upcoming tele-class, “Bringing Sexy Back”
on this topic,
click here.

Widen Your Vision: cutting edge perspectives

This is all about waiting…

Enjoy this article, by one of my favorite authors, taken from Edible Brooklyn’s Spring 2007 issue.

It’s long, but worth the wait!

Edible Nation
by Barbara Kingsolver

Animal, Vegetable, Miracle
A fleeting food reminds us to eat in season.

Two weeks before spring began on the calendar, I was outside with
my boots in the mud and my parka pulled over my ears, scrutinizing
a patch of bare ground. On a June day three years earlier, I had
staked out my future in asparagus. It took a full day of trenching and
planting to establish what I hope will be the last of the long trail of
these beds I’ve left in the wake of my life.

Now, in March, as we waited for a sign to begin living off the land,
this completely bare patch of ground was no burning bush of portent.
(Though it was blackened with ash—we’d burned the dead
stalks of last year’s plants to kill asparagus beetles.) Two months from
this day, when it would be warm enough to plant corn and beans,
the culinary happening of asparagus would be a memory, this patch
a waist-high forest of feathery fronds. By summer’s end they’d resemble
dwarf Christmas trees covered with tiny red balls. Then frost
would knock them down. For about 48 weeks of the year, an asparagus
plant is unrecognizable to anyone except an asparagus grower.
Plenty of summer visitors to our garden have stood in the middle of
the bed and asked, “What is this stuff, it’s beautiful! “We tell them
it’s the asparagus patch, and they reply, “No, this, these feathery little

An asparagus spear only looks like its picture for one day of its life,
usually in April, give or take a month as you travel from the Mason-
Dixon Line. The shoot emerges from the ground like a snub-nosed
green snake headed for sunshine, rising so rapidly you can just about
see it grow. If it doesn’t get its neck cut off at ground level as it
emerges, it will keep growing. Each triangular scale on the spear rolls
out into a branch, until the snake becomes a four-foot tree with delicate needles. Fat spears are no more tender or mature than thin ones; each shoot begins life with its own particular girth. In the
hours after emergence it lengthens, but does not fatten.

To read the rest of the article, click here.

Get The Skinny: what not to miss

Upcoming events with LiYana

Free Monthly Tele-Classes

A great (and free!) way to get fun, practical and cutting-edge information and to get a sense of what Re-Defining Monogamy is all about.

“I am really enjoying your information. You are a very talented person with some fantastic ideas. Thank you so much.”

– Tele-Class participant

October 2007

Bringing Sexy Back:
Decoding Desire, Attraction, and Connectio

Tuesday, October 16, 2007
8:30 – 9:30pm (Eastern time)
5:30 – 6:30 (Pacific time)

  • In a culture where we are taught to be suspect of desire, learn its corrective, downright magical powers…
  • Do a simple writing exercise to decrypt what limits you and how to move past being stopped…
  • Unravel the riddle of intimacy and connection: why what we want most, we are most afraid of…
  • Learn the immutable, simple laws (like the Laws of Physics) of what makes you most attractive – sustainably…

Join LiYana for this enchanting, interactive Tele-Class and preview for her upcoming workshop, "Decoding Desire, Attraction and Connection" in New York in November.

Yes, the Tele-Class is free, but you'll need to register to make sure you've got a space.

To learn more and register, click here.

Your Erotic Personality
With guest teacher and author, Sage Vivant

Tuesday, October 30, 2007
8:30 – 9:30pm ET (Eastern Time)
5:30 – 6:30pm PT (Pacific Time)

Maybe you are an Escapist. A Romantic? A Cuckhold? Or maybe a Show-Off?

Join this saucy tele-class and find out your erotic personality!

You’ll first take the ultimate quiz for discovering you inner libido and then Sage will waltz you through the 12 erotic archetypes so you can get the most fun out of your sex life.

Yes, the Tele-Class is free, but you’ll need to register to make sure you’ve got a space.

To learn more and register, click here.

To learn more and register for any Tele-Class, click here.

Workshops and Retreats

I only do two workshops per year, and I am pleased to announce one of my favorites is coming up soon in November! There is no magic quite like that of in-person events.

Decoding Communication, Connection and Desire
Your Practical Guide to Extraordinary Relationship

Clear Point Center, CT
November 2 – 4, 2007

“LiYana has the ingenious ability to transform esoteric
principles into concrete, simple, everyday tools."

~ Shannon McCarthy

Get away for the weekend – about an hour outside of New York City – and learn indispensable skills, tools and information to develop an unshakably loving relationship with yourself and others.

  • Shift any pattern and move past being stopped
  • Recover your self-confidence and radiance
  • Learn exceptional communication skills
  • How to befriend and cultivate intimacy
  • Get individual coaching and attention
  • Master the art of enjoying (finally!) your self, your life, and others!

This 3-day intensive includes accommodation in the gorgeous Connecticut mountains, lovingly prepared meals, optional movement classes and hikes.


$100 off if you register before October 15, 2007
$50 off if you come with a friend, family member or partner.

“You are a miracle and a catalyst.
Thank you for being a fire-starter.”

~ Rick Kennell

To register, contact Steve Munn:
Steve (at) YourClearPoint (dot) com

For more information and to register, click here

Step Up: simple ways to make a move

Try this experiment for one week.
You can be a woman or a man to do this, no matter:

  1. Put positive attention on yourself.

    Using your “approving eyes,” see what you notice. You can start small. This can take the form of a comment, compliment or praise. But it has to be genuine, what you really feel, see and believe, or else you will notice something is off and just get creeped out.

  2. Notice what happens.

    You might notice it is hard at first, but it gets easier and easier. You might find out that it is fun and rewarding, and that you become something quite the cat’s meow.

Optional: Write to me and let me know what you notice!
Submit it to: Newsletter ( at ) ReDefiningMonogamy ( dot ) com

Pass It On: tell a friend

So, how'd you like "Wait, Don’t Wait?"

If you got a lot out of it, or got really into it, pass it on!

I mean, who couldn't use some cutting edge thought, tools and information on these most important, vital, juiciest areas of our lives: relationship, love, sex and intimacy?

Click here to Tell A Friend about the Bare With Me E-Newsletter!

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