Bare With Me: ReDefining Monogamy's Quarterly Newsletter

June 2007

Mosquitoes and Happiness


Welcome to Re-Defining Monogamy’s E-Newsletter, Bare With Me!

Below you’ll find a taste of what is fresh and feisty in the field of relationships, love, sex and intimacy. I have assembled this sweet monthly package to edify you, fortify you and show you an exceptionally good time!

Curious how my recent month in Thailand inspired this issue’s title, Mosquitoes and Happiness?

Curious about my upcoming Tele-Seminar, Ask-A-Manfree if you register before June 15th?

Curious about my free E-Course, The ReDefining Monogamy Primer?
It is, as one E-Course enthusiast puts it "…a deep, practical, yet methodical approach to healing both yourself and your relationships. I give it 5 stars and you should visit the website tonight before you sleep."

Curious? Read on and find out!

I am so glad you found me.

Enjoy, LiYana

Whet Your Appetite: stimulating, saucy morsels

Mosquitoes, the Un-dead?

According to the “Mosquitoes” chapter in Kwaidan: Stories and Studies of Strange Things, by Lafcadio Hearn (1850-1904), mosquitoes are seen as reincarnations of the dead, condemned by the errors of their former lives to the condition of Jiki-ketsu-gaki, or "blood-drinking pretas". Reference

Who knew there is a Principle for the Greatest Happiness?

The felicific calculus was an algorithm formulated by 19th-century philosopher Jeremy Bentham for calculating the degree or amount of happiness that a specific action is likely to cause, and hence its degree of moral rightness.

Widen Your Vision: cutting edge perspectives

What I Know About Happiness I Learned From Mosquitoes
by LiYana Silver

I am by nature a very peaceful and gentle person. I go out of my way to tend and to nurture – except when it comes to mosquitoes. I am not one ounce sorrowful, only full of glee, when I smush one with my lethal hand-clap and remove yet one more tyrant from the world. And yes, I fully understand I may be born a mosquito in my next life in karmic retribution.

When I am not plotting murder for mosquitoes, I think a lot about the nature of happiness. In fact, the cornerstone of all the work I do revolves around how to put into clear and useful language the art of living a happy, extraordinary life.

One of the best ways to get off the crazy-train of running after happiness but never catching it, is to fully understand the nature of thoughts, and the nature of the mind (For a full description, please read The Nature of the Mind section on my website).

There are several types of thoughts, but the ones that cause us real suffering are the active, unhealthy thoughts. These are the pestering, persistent ones that make us feel terrible about ourselves or others, or make us worry ad nauseam about the future. My best analogy to date is that these active, unhealthy thoughts are like mosquito bites.

For full article, click here.

Grasp the Naked Truth: your questions answered

Your question:

“I just found out that my boyfriend watches Internet porn – a lot! I am a little worried, a little grossed out, and a little insecure too. Is that normal? I mean, he is a great guy and we have a great relationship and have a pretty good sex life. Should I be worried? What should I do about it?”

Bare With Me’s answer:

I think the statistic goes something like this: around 80% of men watch porn, fairly frequently. Realistically, like it or not, our guys watch porn.

It seems you are most worried that he is doing something wrong or abnormal that you haven’t known about it up until now. And that he might be having a problem with you, your relationship or your sex life that is driving him to watch porn.

Let me help you lay some of your worries to rest.

For rest of Q and A article, click here.

Have a burning question? Want it answered (anonymously) in this newsletter? Submit it to: Newsletter ( at ) ReDefiningMonogamy ( dot ) com

Get The Skinny: what not to miss

June Tele-Seminar: Ask-A-Man

Wednesday, June 20, 2007
8:00 – 9:00pm EST

As my way of giving back to you this month, this Tele-Seminar is FREE if you register before June 15, 2007!

Women, ever wanted to be a fly on the wall in the mind of a man? Join this lively tele-seminar and have your burning questions answered by a panel of expert men! Get it straight from the horse’s mouth on anything from body image and communication to sex, love and commitment. You will have a chance to submit your anonymous questions in advance that the men will answer on the call. If you are of the bold persuasion, you will have the chance to ask your questions live. Stop making yourself crazy with wondering, wailing and guessing – ask-a-man!

Register for this Tele-Seminar FOR FREE…

FREE 8-week E-Course:
The ReDefining Monogamy Primer
Your Basic Tools for Creating Extraordinary Relationships

Words from an E-Course enthusiast, half-way through the course:

"LiYana has the remarkable ability to create order out of the chaos which is relationships. Her innate talent, combined with her diverse cultural HUMAN experiences have given birth to a deep, practical, yet methodical approach to healing both yourself and your relationships. I give it 5 stars and you should visit her site tonight before you sleep."

– Rick Kennell, Founder and Director,

Don’t worry, it’s not all studying and hard work. No cramming necessary.
Like kindergarten, it’s full of fun stuff, juicy tidbits and play-time. You’ll have to provide your own snacks, but each week, for 8 weeks, I’ll provide the foundational elements and exercises you’ll need to take off and create your model relationship.

Check it out and get started

Crafting Extraordinary Relationships Workshop
Red Pill, Blue Pill: Your Relationship With You

Clear Point Center, CT
November 2007

There is absolutely no substitute for the magic to be found in In-person workshops! This one doubles as rejuvenating retreat, complete with accommodation in the gorgeous Connecticut mountains, lovingly prepared meals, and optional movement classes and hikes. Learn indispensable skills, tools and information to develop an unshakably loving relationship with yourself as well as with others.

Learn more…

Step Up: simple ways to make a move

Stop scratching your unhealthy thoughts!

  1. Notice the unhealthy thought when it bites. You can determine it by these characteristics: The thought starts with “What if” or “If only”; the thought makes you feel like a loser, a coward, and a mess; the thought passes judgment like bad gas.
  2. Don’t scratch: acknowledge the bite, but don’t indulge. Take a breath, move on. It might take some self-control; sit on your hands if you need to.
  3. Notice how you feel and what you think in the absence of the unhealthy thought. You might experience that, waiting for you, is peace and calm – and even a touch of happiness. And you just might experience a decrease in the frequency and tenacity of future unhealthy thoughts.
  4. Have a tenuous hold on this process? Join my Tele-Seminar, Making Peace With Your Mind, and learn how to apply and master this simple three-step process. Side effects: increased peace, self-confidence and enjoyment!

Have a burning question? Want it answered (anonymously) in this newsletter? Submit it to: Newsletter ( at ) ReDefiningMonogamy ( dot ) com

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