Bare With Me: ReDefining Monogamy's Quarterly Newsletter

July 2007

Flirting With Enlightenment


So here I am.

It is noon and I’ve just eaten my last meal for the day. Walking wordlessly in the green and still Massachussetts mountains, I’ve been up since the first gong rang at 4:00am, and I’m staring down the 8 more hours of silent meditation yet to come, most of which I will move neither hand nor foot nor eye, no matter how my body or mind protests. And this is only day 3 of 10.

Why this austere choice of a 10-day silent meditation retreat for this full and sultry season of summer?

Enjoy my musings and ramblings below, and by all means, join me for my upcoming free July Tele-Class, Enlightened Flirting: Taming the Voices in Your Head.

This July issue is all about, well, flirting with enlightenment!

Whet Your Appetite: stimulating, saucy morsels

What if flirting was raised from the realm of the frivolous and redefined as the art of enjoying yourself in the presence of another?

What if enlightenment became a verb rather than a noun and rather than a static state of unattainable perfection, could mean the practice of unconditional loving kindness toward others and yourself?

Widen Your Vision: cutting edge perspectives

Flirting With Enlightenment
by LiYana Silver

Some folks contented themselves with barbeques and bike rides this summer, but among four other intensive weekend workshops, I’ve designed my summer vacation to include a 10-day silent Vipassana meditation retreat.

If you don’t yet think I’m either crazy or a masochist, let me acquaint you with the schedule. 4:00am, first gong, wake up. 2 hours meditation. Breakfast, then 3 hours meditation. Lunch, then 4 hours meditation. Tea and fruit – that’s right, no dinner, then 3 hours meditation including a discourse by the meditation teacher. This is my favorite part of the day, besides lunch. In bed at 9:00pm, no protest there! We’ve taken a vow of silence, including eye contact and gesture. This part I love. Otherwise I vacillate between excruciating pain and bliss. And it’s only day 2…

I haven’t come here to become enlightened, although if one followed this path, it might just lead there. I’ve come here because even though I’ve got a sweet and loving inner dialogue, I find there’s often a lot of clutter and noise in my mind, and I began to wonder if my mind could do with the equivalent of push-ups. I mean, I take really good care of my body, and my mind’s been feeling a little flabby these days. I am sure you can relate: in an unchecked mind, the voices can be self-defeating, and deafening.

To read the rest of the article, click here.

Grasp the Naked Truth: your questions answered

Your question:

“I have to admit I love flirting with people, but feel badly about it since I have a boyfriend. Is flirting cheating?”

Bare With Me’s answer:

Well, first off, it depends whose definition of flirting you are using. Mostly flirting is thought of as frivolous, manipulative, a form of deception, teasing or insincerity. But consider for a moment MY definition of flirting: enjoying yourself in the presence of another.

When you are enjoying yourself, it is a no-strings-attached invitation for everyone else to enjoy themselves as well. It is infectious. Furthermore, when you are enjoying yourself, you may notice the distinct absence of your usual companions – judgment and self-deprecating voices.

When you are enjoying something you are in a state of approval. When you are enjoying yourself, you are also approving of yourself! When you approve of you, others naturally approve of themselves. Enjoying yourself becomes vastly more than the sum of its parts. No matter the circumstances life throws at you, and no matter the outcome, you find yourself at the epicenter of the party.

But let’s get back to your flirting in relation to your boyfriend. It really depends on your intentions and on the understanding you have with your boyfriend. If you haven’t discussed what are the boundaries for flirting that you both feel comfortable with, time to do so. Cheating has a simple definition: not following the rules. But don’t forget that you two co-create the rules of your relationship – hopefully based on what is most loving, safe and considerate to you both. What might be defined as “cheating” by some are based on their rules, not necessarily yours. So if you feel like you are cheating, it is worthwhile to see WHOSE rules you feel like you might not be following – your own or some random ones that are not necessarily applicable to your situation. No doubt there is room for you both to have lots of fun and shower the world with your flirtatious self-celebration, and still honor your relationship!

Have a burning question of your own?
Want it answered (anonymously) in this newsletter? Submit it to:
Newsletter ( at ) ReDefiningMonogamy ( dot ) com

Get The Skinny: what not to miss

July Tele-Class (Yes, it’s FREE)

Enlightened Flirting:
Taming the Voices in Your Head

Thursday, July 26, 2007
8:00 – 9:00pm EST

Still searching for your ever-elusive glow and radiance?
Feel incapacitated by the viciously self-defeating voices in your own head?
Far from frivolous, flirting is the key to your kingdom.


  • what stops you
  • how to move beyond being stopped
  • and how to step boldly into enjoying and celebrating who you are!

Learn to apply a simple and sweet three-step process to tame those crazy voices so you can experience more peace, self-confidence and enjoyment immediately. Whether it’s at a bar, at home or at work, you’ll learn how to fearlessly flirt with enlightenment!

Learn more and register…

Click here to tell a friend about the Enlightened Flirting Tele-Class

Crafting Extraordinary Relationships Workshop
Your Relationship With You

Clear Point Center, CT
November 2 – 4, 2007

There is absolutely no substitute for the magic to be found in In-person workshops! This one doubles as rejuvenating retreat, complete with accommodation in the gorgeous Connecticut mountains, lovingly prepared meals, and optional movement classes and hikes. Learn indispensable skills, tools and information to develop an unshakably loving relationship with yourself as well as with others.

Learn more and register…

Step Up: simple ways to make a move

Practice flirting – with yourself first.
Pick one of the following exercises and do it for one week, as a practice of purely enjoying yourself:

Make the Mirror Your Friend:
Wink or kiss to the mirror every time you pass it.
Get a hand mirror, start admiring yourself.
Get a dry erase marker and write things on your mirror like, “Hot Damn! You are gorgeous!” or “Hi Sexy”

Under Where?
Wear red underwear, sexy underwear or NO underwear. Have fun remembering what you are wearing (or not wearing), especially at serious or inopportune moments.

Have a body part you tend to trash a lot? Decorate it with glitter glue or temporary tattoos or stick-on jewels, and keep the decoration on under your clothing. You’ll get a nice reminder when you go to the bathroom or undress at the end of the day.

Having trouble flirting on your own?

Join my free Tele-Seminar, Enlightened Flirting, and learn how to enjoy yourself and tame the self-defeating voices in your head.

Side effects: immediate increased peace, self-confidence and enjoyment!

Learn more and register…

Have a burning question?
Want it answered (anonymously) in this newsletter? Submit it to:
Newsletter ( at ) ReDefiningMonogamy ( dot ) com

Pass It On: tell a friend

So, how'd you like "Flirting With Enlightenment?"

Did you find yourself getting really into it?
Did you find yourself getting a lot out of it?

As the old saying goes, “A joy that's shared is a joy made double."

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I mean, who couldn't use some cutting edge thought, tools and information on these most important, vital, juiciest areas of our lives: relationship, love, sex and intimacy?

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