Bare With Me: ReDefining Monogamy's Quarterly Newsletter

August 2007

A Self-Designed Obstacle Course


I've been wondering…

What makes women happy and radiant?
What has men become kings?
What are the two ways to win and one way to lose?

For a long time now, I’ve been on an the equivalent of a big game hunt in search of the answers to these questions, and I’ve recently landed a wooly mammoth, so to speak.

Here are the ways you can find out the answers for yourself:

  1. Join me in November for my three-day workshop intensive,
    The Yoga of Desire and Connection

    This is your practical guide to extraordinary relationship: shift any pattern, recover self-confidence, befriend desire, learn exceptional communication skills and master the art of (finally!) enjoying your life.

    You’ll emerge a radiant, confident being, on fire with the privilege of being you, buoyant with practical skills to navigate the seas of relationship.

    Limited to 16 participants.

    To learn more, use this link:

  2. Join a free monthly Tele-Class

    Perhaps you could use some Communication Essentials for the Opposite Sex, perhaps you’d like Your Burning Questions Answered by a Panel of Expert Women, or perhaps you’ve been wondering about Your Erotic Personality.

    Well, then, have I got a Tele-Class or two for you!

    To learn more and register, use this link:

  3. Read on, my friend. Read on.

Get The Skinny: what not to miss

Upcoming events with LiYana Silver:

I only do two workshops per year, and I am pleased to announce one of my favorites is coming up soon in November!

There is no magic quite like that of in-person events.

The Yoga of Desire and Connection
Your Practical Guide to Extraordinary Relationship

Clear Point Center, CT
November 2 – 4, 2007

“LiYana has the ingenious ability to transform esoteric
principles into concrete, simple, everyday tools."

~ Shannon McCarthy

Get away for the weekend – about an hour outside of New York City – and learn indispensable skills, tools and information to develop an unshakably loving relationship with yourself and others.

  • Shift any pattern and move past being stopped
  • Recover your self-confidence and radiance
  • Learn exceptional communication skills
  • How to befriend and cultivate intimacy
  • Get individual coaching and attention
  • Master the art of enjoying (finally!) your self, your life, and others!

This 3-day intensive includes accommodation in the gorgeous Connecticut mountains, lovingly prepared meals, optional movement classes and hikes.

$100 off if you register before October 15, 2007
$50 off if you come with a friend, family member or partner.

“You are a miracle and a catalyst.
Thank you for being a fire-starter.”

~ Rick Kennel

For more information and to register, use this link:

Free Monthly Tele-Classes

A great (and free!) way to get fun, practical and cutting-edge information and to get a sense of what Re-Defining Monogamy is all about.

September 2007

Your Burning Questions Answered by a Panel of Expert Women

Tuesday, September 11, 2007
8:30 – 9:45pm ET (Eastern Time)
5:30 – 6:45pm PT (Pacific Time)

Ever wanted to be a fly on the wall in the mind of a woman?

How might LiYana Silver, creatrix of ReDefiningMonogamy (yours truly), Edie, an interfaith minister, Mama Gena, a celebrated teacher, author and TV personality, and Kassy, a 40-year-long member of an intentional community address YOUR questions?

For both women and men – this is one you DON'T want to miss!

To learn more and register, click here.

Your Erotic Personality
With guest teacher and author, Sage Vivant

Tuesday, September 25, 2007
8:30 – 9:30pm ET (Eastern Time)
5:30 – 6:30pm PT (Pacific Time)

Spend the evening with Sage Vivant, creator of Custom Erotica Source and author of Your Erotic Personality. Sage will waltz you through the 12 erotic archetypes and you’ll take the ultimate quiz for discovering your inner libido and getting the most fun out of your sex life.

To learn more and register, click here.

To learn more and register for any Tele-Class, use this link:

To listen to recordings of past Tele-Classes, use this link:

Whet Your Appetite: stimulating, saucy morsels

“That the birds of worry and care fly over your head, this you cannot change, but that they build nests in your hair, this you can prevent.”

– Chinese Proverb

“A Woman serves a Man best when she has her Joy above all other values.”

– Dr. Victor Baranco

Grasp the Naked Truth: burning questions answered

A Self-Designed Obstacle Course

by LiYana Silver

What makes women happy and radiant?
What makes men become kings?
What are the two ways to win and one way to lose?

Yesterday in a yoga class, the teacher told us about an exercise that boy scouts do when initiating new scouts. They set up a room full of chairs, like an obstacle course. They give the new scout a few moments to observe the course, and then they blindfold him. While he is being blindfolded, all the chairs are quietly removed, and the scout proceeds through the space, carefully, as though he is great danger of bumping up against the obstacles. The moral is that there are no real obstacles in our lives, only the ones we create and imagine to be there, even after they’ve evaporated when we close our eyes.

A couple of years ago, I realized that I had become an expert custom-designer of obstacle courses. I believed that to deserve pleasure and to earn any reward, I needed to work hard and to go through pain and suffering. I was sure there was a direct correlation between how hard I worked and how much suffering I could endure and the amount of pleasure and reward that was to be mine as a result. And being a perfectionist and overachiever, I decided I’d arrange my life to work even harder than those around me; I built my muscles to endure even more pain and suffering than those around me; and I waited patiently for the pleasure and reward to descend upon me. I waited through a 10-year career as a professional dancer, I waited through two long-term relationships, and I waited through countless to-do lists that I diligently completed.

Then I realized I was waiting for Godot. Enjoyment was not coming, no matter how long-sufferingly I waited for it. It began to dawn on me that I had needlessly put the obstacles of pain, suffering and hard work in the way of my enjoyment. I created my own personal obstacle course, and became so invested in my obstacles I never reached the end of the course; I never got to the whole point – enjoying my life, being happy.

To read the rest of the article, click here.

Have a burning question of your own? A topic you’d like me to address?
Submit it to: Newsletter(at)ReDefiningMonogamy(dot)com

Widen Your Vision: cutting edge perspectives

An Interview with Gerry Goodman

with LiYana Silver

Over the past year, I have had the distinct honor and pleasure to take many courses with Morehouse, on Communication, Sensuality and Man/Woman dynamics.

Morehouse is an intentional communal living collective, thriving since the 1960’s, with houses in California and Hawaii, with satellite communities in Atlanta, New York and Philadelphia. Living according to some phenomenal philosophies identified by Dr. Victor Baranco and developed by all involved, Morehouse’s members are experts in living, loving and having happy, fulfilling lives.

I’ve struck up a friendship with one of its members, Gerry Goodman, who lives in the Yonkers Morehouse with his beloved wife Lynne. Gerry is warm, insightful, playful and attentive and loves to wield his rapier wit.

Enjoy my interview with Gerry:

Note: These are Gerry’s opinions, based on his experience of being involved with Morehouse for almost 20 years. They are not meant to represent “official” viewpoints of Morehouse.

To find out more (ha, ha) about Morehouse and their courses, and I highly suggest you do, check out their website: or give Gerry a call: 914-457-0753.

LS: How would you describe happiness?

GG: I believe people know when they’re happy and they know when they’re not. That being said, happiness is a function of approving of what is. When you are in agreement with your life, you’re happy.

LS: What makes women happy?

GG: On one level of awareness, nothing “makes” you happy. You decide to be happy and attribute your happiness to something outside yourself, claiming that thing made you happy. At the same time, what generally makes women happy is getting what they want. There is a common assumption, usually held by men, that material items are at the top of that list. While it’s definitely important and fun for women to have, get and think about getting “things”, what they prize by far above all else is attention. What makes them happy is to have their unique individuality seen and acknowledged.

LS: What makes men happy?

To read the rest of the interview, click here.

Step Up: simple ways to make a move

Try this experiment for one week:

You can be a woman or a man to do this, no matter.

  1. Put your attention on a woman.

    Do this deliberately all week. You can do this with strangers, but it is a bit more impactful if you do it with the women in your life.

  2. Acknowledge her.

    Using your “approving eyes,” point out what you notice about her. This can take the form of a comment, compliment or praise. But it has to be genuine, what you really feel, see and believe, or else she will notice something is off and just get creeped out.

  3. Notice what happens to her and to you.

    What is your experience when a woman has approval and attention placed on her? Observe what you notice about the woman. Observe what you notice about yourself.

    Optional: Write to me and let me know what you notice!
    Submit it to: Newsletter(at)ReDefiningMonogamy(dot)com

Pass It On: tell a friend

So, how'd you like "A Self-Designed Obstacle Course?"

If you got a lot out of it, or got really into it, pass it on!

I mean, who couldn't use some cutting edge thought, tools and information on these most important, vital, juiciest areas of our lives: relationship, love, sex and intimacy?

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