Your Hunger for Extraordinary Relationships

Your Hunger for Extraordinary Relationships:
The Red-Hot Recipe Guide for Re-Defining, Re-Designing and Re-Igniting Your Relationships for the 21st Century

by LiYana Silver

LiFruitWelcome to the 21st Century.

The conventional relationship models that were handed down to us don’t quite fit so well, don’t have a great reputation for working, nor do we seem to have the skills to make them great and sustainable. Relationships are one of the most important, vital things in our lives, but they are crashing and burning and are one of the places we suffer the most.

Our hunger for extraordinary relationships is a lot like ordering a meal at a restaurant: we look at the menu, salivate at the picture or description, and then start chewing away bitterly on the menu itself. We want the delicious, satisfying meal, but somehow settle for the cardboard facsimile.

But having the meal is absolutely possible. I know seems like it’s a chasm away, but it’s not; it’s only a paper ceiling.

Over the years of messing up grandly, suffering madly, but then getting diverse, top-level education and training, doing in-depth research, working with hundreds of clients, teaching scores of workshops and retreats and creating my own extraordinary relationship (for over 7 years now), I’ve found what it takes create – and sustain – extraordinary relationships.

It requires some Essential Ingredients – Nine, in fact. You decide on the proportions and presentation, but all Nine Essential Ingredients have to be in there.

There’s not one right way to create the ultimate relationship feast – but there is YOUR way.

If I handed three different people three sets of the same ingredients, say eggs, butter, flour, sugar, salt and zucchini, person one might make quiche, person two might make zucchini bread and person three might make a sautéed zucchini fritters and toss the extra salt over her shoulder for luck!

There’s no one right way to do it, and your outcome will be as unique as it will be delicious, but all Nine Essential Ingredients have to be there:

Ingredient #1
Appreciation: the golden key

This is the foundation. It begins and ends with and always comes back to appreciation. I know you may be experiencing real conflict and suffering in your relationship world. Appreciation is not a palliative; you’re not to pretend everything is fine when it isn’t. Appreciation is the ground that connection, amiable communication, and open-heartedness can grow from. Appreciation is the thing that makes possible the working on the areas of conflict and suffering

Ingredient #2
Decoding Men, Demystifying Women: ending the war of the sexes and starting a partnership party instead!

At the end of the day, it’s true: we are all human beings; we are not “just” men and women. However, the differences in how we relate, process, perceive, organize, decide, think, feel, reveal, communicate and experience life, based on our gender, are vast indeed. Consider this a UN translation skill; you learn the language of this often-seeming different species. So when you travel to the land of Woman, you can speak some WomanSpeak; and when you travel to the land of Man, you can speak some ManSpeak, for more ease, understanding and peace.

In my work with women and couples, I notice about 90% of all fights, communication struggles and conflicts are completely taken care of when they are able to Decode Men and Demystify Women.

(We focus on this specifically in the Tele-Seminar Series, both for women, and for partners).

Ingredient #3
Self-Awareness: you first, or how to stop stopping yourself!

We want to have a great relationship with another, but we have to have a great one with ourselves first. Know Thyself: know your hot buttons, your wiring and plumbing, so to speak, your triggers, what sets you off on your Downward Spirals. Know Thyself: what’s your Relationship Blueprint? This explains a lot about why you are attracted to the same type of person over and over again who’s often “bad” for you – and how you can turn that around and make it work for you.

Self-awareness is not so that you can engage in endless self-absorbed naval-gazing, but so that you can essentially have your own owner’s manual to YOU. It is the first step in shifting unhealthy, unwanted patterns and stepping out of your relationship ruts.

Ingredient #4
Communication Made Easy … really!

Why is it that other person can get upset, defensive, distant, disengaged and cold when we try to communicate? There are so many ways for it to go wrong!

Communication isn’t usually thought of as easy. It usually seems like there is huge chasm separating us from the other person, impossible to bridge. But with a bit of information, understanding and practice, the chasm becomes a paper-ceiling. It can become truly easy to break through into black-belt level, simple – even fun –communication.

(Every single person I’ve worked with has rated Communication Made Easy as the most useful, impactful ingredient; we focus extra long on it in each Tele-Seminar Series.)

Ingredient #5
Conflict Re-Solution: from rupture to repair

I know sometimes you experiencing real, painful conflict. You are miserable, fighting or nagging all the time. You experience intense jealousy you are not sure how to deal with. You run up against what seems like an impasse, around having children or not, the different ways you spend money, your different views on religion, different importance placed on sex, whether or not spending the holidays with family is important or not, etc. You wonder if you should end it, or if you should stick it out to learn the lesson now, rather than repeating it in a future relationship.

We make messes all the time. It’s a natural by-product of growing, trying new things, taking leaps and being human. But, it’s important to take the initiative and responsibility to clean up – and learn from – your messes as soon as you can.

Ingredient #6
Truth-Telling: how trust and intimacy are born and grow

Intimacy, Trust, Honesty, Integrity, Congruity – all these elements don’t exist without Truth-Telling. If you are not telling the truth, you have a lie, not a relationship.

There is a simple reason why we so deeply desire Intimacy, but at the same time we run from it like our tails are on fire. Or why we intend to be honest and trustworthy, but our actions are very different. Truth-telling requires radical levels of honesty, personal responsibility and initiative. Not always easy, but I say necessary.

Telling the truth – about yourself, about what you want most – if not you, then who?

Ingredient #7
A Divine Sex Life: a body of ecstatic sensuality and the red-hot erotic

The most important aspect to having A Divine Sex Life is choosing monogamy – or not. For most of us, it’s a default setting. It needs to be a choice. Monogamy is great, but only when it’s a choice. Likewise, non-monogamy is great, but only when it is a choice.

The statistics vary, but somewhere between 30-80% of people cheat. We say monogamy is the gold standard, but our actions do not at all align. To be blunt, many of us practice non-monogamy, but just lie about it, feel terrible about it and hide it.

What if it weren’t the actions themselves – of being sensual, sexual or flirting with others – that were the problem? What if it were the rules and default settings themselves? No one can decide if monogamy or some flavor of non-monogamy is right for you in your relationship, except you and your partner, or partners. It should – and has to be – your choice, your conscious, eye-open, brave and courageous choice.

Then you can move on to steering your sensual life into the stratosphere!

Ingredient #8
Your Relationship Vessel: charting a course, course correcting and enjoying the waves.

The seas of relationships are sometimes sunny and calm, sometimes they just about kill you, but the important question is, what’s the condition of your boat? Where’s it going? What’s it’s name and mission?

What is your personal vision and goals for you individually? For the relationship? What are your partners?

Ingredient #9
Community Creation: the company you keep and who keeps you

We rise and fall to the company we keep. Those around us influence us, whether we want them to or not! Those around us have particular “listening” for us. When they listen to us like we are messing up and can’t get it right, we mess up and can’t seem to get it right. When they listen to us like we are doing a great job, making great choices and asking important questions, we do all that and more.

Those around you witness you in your relationship, they hold you to what your goals and intentions are for the relationship. We are social beings. We need others. We can’t do it in a vacuum. But selecting those around you with care and attention is vital.

These are the Nine Essential Ingredients. They are the red-hot recipe guide to help you to step out of relationship ruts, to shift unhealthy emotional patterns and to create extraordinary partnerships for the 21st Century.

Retro-fit to you. Hand-crafted, rather than pre-fab from the factory.

Consider me your intrepid guide on your joyride to the relationship education you likely never got. I offer you insight into how you are wired and how to get out of your own way; fluency in the areas of radical personal responsibility, communication, conflict resolution, intimacy, honesty and commitment; tools to decipher your partner and create profound partnerships; skillful use of joy, pleasure and passion as your touchstones; and of course the courage to choose traditional monogamy – or to color outside the lines of monogamy.

How you mix, merge and integrate the Nine Essential Ingredients, that’s your role. Serving them up to you, in clear, usable, appetizing morsels – that’s mine!

To taste the Nine Essential Ingredients for yourself and to apply the recipe guide to your own precious relationship life, join me for my upcoming 10-week tele-seminar series, beginning in September!

DDEnlightened_SexFor partners:
Living Relationships: 10 Weeks to Extraordinary Partnerships
The Red-Hot Recipe Guide for Re-designing, Re-igniting & Renovating your Relationships for the 21st Century

9-Part Tele-Seminar Intensive with Relationship Expert, LiYana Silver

Begins Monday, September 14, 2009

To learn more and apply, click here.


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For women:
Living Radiance: 10 Weeks to Sexy, Vibrant and Confident
The Nine Essential Ingredients for Taking Liberties with Your World

9-Part Tele-Seminar Intensive with Relationship Expert, LiYana Silver

Begins Wednesday, September 16, 2009

To learn more and apply, click here.

To learn more and apply for either program, click here.

(Or use this link:

To read more on The Nine Essential Ingredients, click here.

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