No Coming Exercise

Time to set aside: 30-60 minutes

The point of this exercise is to shift the goal of a sexual, sensual experience from orgasm to sensation. So often sex is goal-oriented, and you miss the whole process along the way, in order to reach the goal of climax. This exercise is about re-defining the goal as the process itself.

  1. Prepare an inviting, sexy, comfortable space and invite your partner into it. This could mean lighting candles, putting on music, incense, opening the window for a cool breeze, having some wine or a bath beforehand. you get the idea.
  2. Take a moment to connect, settle down from whatever you were doing before, and be with your partner. Maybe you want to look into each other's eyes, notice each other's breathing, or put a hand on each other's hearts. Something to connect you and get you both on the same level.
  3. Explain to your partner that the focus of this exercise will be to NOT have orgasm, either of you. You can feel free to do whatever you want, however you usually do it, but remember to stay present to the sensation. If you feel your mind wandering, bring it back to what is going on, what sensation you are experiencing. If you feel close to orgasm, relax and breathe into the sensation.
  4. Continue, experiment, breathe, indulge, relax, and enjoy!
  5. Take some time to share the experience – what it was like for both of you to have sexual experience that's focus was on NOT experiencing orgasm, but experiencing everything but? What did you learn, what did you like, what would you like to throw away, what would you like to include in your love-making?

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