Maintaining Attraction

"Love doesn't just sit there like a stone;
it has to be made, like bread, remade all the time, made new."
~ Ursula K. LeGuin

When you boil it down, attraction is like what exists between magnets, between polar opposites.

Attraction is the charged space between two opposing poles, longing to be brought together.

The thing is, though, if opposing magnets spend too much time with each other, they become de-polarized, they lose the charge and tug of attraction.

Maintaining attraction is keeping the magnetic pull strong. I sort of sum up this maintaining attraction thing by saying, "shared projects, separate space."

"Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other.
Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then."

~ Katharine Hepburn

The trick is to have separate space: enough separation between the two magnets – you and your partner – so the coming together is rich and sweet.

Said differently, spend enough time apart so that you miss each other and long to come together.

The trick is also to have both of you be full and powerful in and of yourselves, that the drawing together is all the more incendiary. Spend time apart, be up to what you are up to, be your own magnificent self, become fat and juicy on your own. This is one key to maintaining sensual, sexual, emotional, intellectual, etc attraction.

Another key is to have shared projects: fantastic things that you do together, like projects, hobbies, work, etc. Your shared project might also be simply the time you spend together. Any shared time or space needs to be full and consciously created, rather than the dull, ordinariness of the same-old at the end of a long day apart. For some great tips on this, check out Sensuality Basics in the "Secret Subjects" section.

Maintaining attraction is not an easy thing.

What naturally happens is the entropy of de-polarization between you and your partner. It takes consistent time, effort and creativity to maintain attraction, both in the time you spend consciously apart as well as in the time you spend consciously together. Maintaining attraction is an active, constant process. Attraction, like any living, breathing thing, needs feeding, watering, it needs care and attention.

And this is right about where it starts to get really interesting!

Take a leap into the advanced section, Secret Subjects, for things like Pain and Suffering: A Brief Introduction, Sexuality as Spirituality, Nature of the Mind, On Beyond Monogamy, and Sensuality Basics.

Back to Relationship With Others

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