Isn't It Cheating?

There is the generally held strong belief that the only reason you would be sexual with a person besides your partner is because they are inadequate in some way, or that you are looking for something they can't give you. Cheating is considered pretty much the worse thing you could do, or could be done to you.

But if you still want to be with other people besides your partner, you figure the only way to get what you want is to cheat.

There is also the generally strong held belief that sexual monogamy indicates a healthy, secure relationship and that if you are sexual with someone besides your partner, you are cheating. Culturally, we have linked anything beyond-monogamy with cheating.

Here's the thing about sex.

Sex can be many things – an amazing intimacy between two people, a holy communion with the divine, a playful experience, or a mundane task. If you reserve experiencing sex with only one person – your partner – it doesn't in and of itself make the relationship healthy and strong. In fact, it is often the thing that weakens the relationship, resulting in cheating.

Cheating has little to do with any ACT in and of itself, cheating is the ignoring or dis-honoring of the rules or boundaries that are in place. When you know your partner is not OK with it, and you do it anyways, THAT is cheating.

Men cheat. Stereotypically, it is because they crave their freedom and would like to be able to be sexual with new and different partners. Men are stereotyped into the species that cannot commit. However, these same men are not opposed to being in relationship, but the fear of loss of freedom keeps them from it.

Women cheat, too. Stereotypically, most women are looking so hard for the perfect Mr. Right that when Mr. Right Now doesn't measure up to perfect, they stray, thinking they might find the perfect man elsewhere.

So, there you have it. Most women and men cheat on their partners. It is the norm, rather than the exception. If you are cheating, stop. Time to come clean. Take a good look at your cheating and use what you learn to re-define what you really want in relationship.

I am a pragmatist. I say, since most men and women are already cheating, pragmatically speaking, why not take a good hard look at why you are cheating? And why not take a good hard look at the rules and boundaries you have in place. They are obviously not working for you.

You can – and must – create new rules and boundaries that suit you, that honor you and your partner with trust and honesty, rather than dishonor both of you with cheating and lying.

Go to Abundance vs. Scarcity
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