HER WIRING AND PLUMBING

There are ways that women are physically and biologically put together differently than men, that influences how we experience the world, how we think and feel, process information, relate and respond.

You know what I am going to say about wishing her wiring and plumbing to be different, or more like yours: It doesn't work for extraordinary relationships.

It is what it is. My suggestion is to start by understanding the ways women are put together, move on to accepting them, and finally to celebrating them.

 

Her Wiring

In a female brain, our right and left hemispheres speak to each other. The area between the two, where the conversation happens, is called the corpus callosum. Men have a smaller corpus callosum and less activity in this region than women. This is thought to be partly why women think circularly and connectively rather than linearly, and why we generally have easier access to intuition, intuitive processes and the ability to multi-task

Then of course there are the ways our bodies are wired to create life, and hooked up to the cycles of the moon and world at large.

Our pituitary and pineal glands supply us with a complex cocktail of hormones at certain times of each month. At some points of the monthly cycle, we are clear-thinking, productive and outgoing, other times we are more inward-looking, intuitive and contemplative, all dictated by a complex dance of hormones, in synch with the natural world. Our energy levels, emotional states, physiological desires, sexuality, and the quality and content of our dreams, all shift and respond according to the changing cycle of the world. Pretty cool, if you think about it.

Whether a result of nature or nurture or both, woman tend toward "working things out," conflict resolution, and the cultivation of a climate of cooperation.

However, the world as we know it is, by and large, set up for men and by men. The playing field isn't equal, and often leans toward disregarding and marginalizing women's bodies and minds.

For example, western medicine uses a 160 pound male body as the standard for medical research, determining dosages for medicine, and other medical standards. It often does not take into account the uniqueness that is the body of a woman.

In much of the world's religions, woman is considered to be sexual temptress, initiator of sin, and women's sexuality is stifled, feared, and controlled at any cost. About 2 million women and girls, usually between age 4-8 are genitally mutated each year, where her clitoris and often other parts of the labia, are removed - and you guessed it, certainly without anesthesia.

Constant cycles of productivity, linear, rational thinking and non-emotionality characterize the corporate work environment. Women are not necessarily wired to work this way, and often suffer emotionally, mentally and physically in the effort to fit in to an ill-fitting work environment. Women still make 77 cents to a man's dollar, even for the same job. It costs more to dry-clean a woman's blouse than a man's shirt. You get the idea.

I say all this to draw attention to the fact that because the world is arguably set up for and by men, and because the differences between men and women often go unacknowledged and uncelebrated, men can easily become disdainful, impatient, put off, or confused by women.

A woman is not deviant, wrong, or less. We are simply different, and in many ways, our wiring allows us to have unique knowledge, perspective and experience of the world that can be a great benefit as well as teacher to you as a man.

 

Her Plumbing

Well, first off, there is the almighty clitoris.

This is the only organ whose sole purpose is just for pleasure, and the clitoris, unlike other body parts, never atrophies. There are 8,000 nerve endings in your average clit - and just to offer perspective, there are 4,000 in a penis. Most men - and way too many women - don't even know where the clitoris is, let alone how to work with this little dynamo.

Women are often easily multi-orgasmic, partly due to the powerhouse of the clitoris, but mostly due to the fact that women lack a venus plexus. It is responsible for keeping the blood in the penis during erection, and urges a man toward ejaculation. There is a refractory period after coming, where the venus plexus has to relax, before a man can ejaculate again. While some men can work to, or naturally can have multiple orgasms, the main reason it is harder is due to the venus plexus, which is lacking in a woman's "plumbing."

A large difference between men and women's different plumbing is that fact that a man penetrates a woman, whereas a woman's experience of sexual intercourse is internal. It can take a lot to "let a man in," physically or emotionally. Often a women needs emotional connection and openness before being open sexually. Partly for this reason, and partly because - let's face it - women's bodies are considerably more complicated than men's - many women have difficulty having an orgasm at all, or have pain and discomfort during sex that they never express.

And although there are many differences in our anatomies of men and woman, there are some surprising similarities, such as the ability to ejaculate. In case you didn't know, all women contain the physical ability to ejaculate. It isn't reproductive fluid, and although it is released through a woman's urethra, it isn't urine, either. During sexual stimulation or excitement, a woman's Skene's glands (kind of like a man's prostate) fill with fluid, which can be released as ejaculate. Many cultures and traditions consider it to be sacred and healing fluid. A lot of porn considers it to be somewhere between myth and well, just plain hot.

It is my hope that these generalities about women will help you gain understanding, even admiration for women. Those will get you in the door, but the next step is to become a connoisseur, a specialist of your woman. Make a science of getting to know her, this unique woman before you.

This is where I leave you sweetly to your own devices, to explore her confounding exquisiteness.

However, you might find it helpful to kick off the process of physical exploration by trying out either my Body Exploration Exercise or Come Some Other Time Exercise, or an emotional exploration by checking out Communicating With Women or Five Secret Tools.

I salute you as you embark on your adventures.

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