Exploring the Body Exercise

Time to set aside: about 1 hour, not including preparing your space

This exercise is to get to know your partner's body, as though you were discovering it new. Although it can be as sensual and/or sexual as you both want, the point is NOT to jump right into sex as you normally do it. It is NOT about the performance, the guessing or hoping that sex can sometimes be, but rather it is meant to be a process of discovery, to educate you about your partner's body, and their likes, dislikes and preferences.

  1. Prepare an inviting, sexy, comfortable space and invite your partner into it. This could mean lighting candles, putting on music, incense, opening the window for a cool breeze, having some wine or a bath beforehand. you get the idea.
  2. Take a moment to connect, settle down from whatever you were doing before, and be with your partner. Maybe you want to look into each other's eyes, notice each other's breathing, or put a hand on each other's hearts. Something to connect you and get you both on the same level.
  3. Tell your partner that for the next ½ hour, your attention will be entirely on them. All they have to do is relax, receive and give you instructions and feedback as you go.
  4. Touch, kiss, caress, lick your partner, asking them often for feedback. Not only, "Do you like this? How about this?" but also, ask them, "Would you like it harder, softer? Slower, faster? Deeper?" Ask your partner to speak up and tell you where to go, the speed to go at, what to try, etc. Remind them the point of this exercise is so you can learn their body, and you need their help in learning it. Keep it light and fun – this is meant to be like play time.
  5. After ½ hour, switch roles.
  6. Take some time to share the experience – what it was like for both of you. Sometimes it can be a new experience to ask for what you want, or to verbalize instructions or preferences, or to just receive and not DO or reciprocate, or to have someone's attention entirely on you.

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