Everyone Gets What They Want

When my boyfriend and I met each other, he was clear that he didn't want to be with one person exclusively, although I was clear I did. But we couldn't help but be together and as we got into a "relationship," he strongly wanted to have the freedom for us to be intimate and sexual with other people, apart or together. At first I was very resistant, but then I became fascinated by the question,

"How could he have his freedom while I still got a committed, honest relationship? How can we both get exactly what we want?"

That seemingly incongruous question lead us both to take a look at what was un-defined and what needed re-defining in what we wanted in a relationship. It lead me to realize there were ways I wanted freedom as well, and him to examine what "having his freedom" really meant to him. It lead us to realize that if we were going to "color outside of the lines," we would need the basics – a strong foundation (The Three Pillars) absolute trust, co-created ground rules and clear boundaries.

That question lead us to clarify what we both need and want to have a relationship that honors us both, is built on honesty, held together with the glue of communication, is full of adventure, trust, and respect and is an expression of the unique individuals we both are.

That question lead us both into the extraordinary, loving, fun and vibrant relationship we have now, one that our friends and colleagues refer to as a model they deeply admire and wish to emulate.

That question lead us to explore the questions and distinctions that I lay out in this website.

I ask you the same question, How can you both get exactly what you want? It doesn't work unless both of you feel happy, safe and well looked after. It might take some listening, some communication, some trial and error and the willingness to do what it takes. But there is a way – YOUR WAY – that everyone can get what they want.

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